Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
