I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize