guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
I look better un-naked...
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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