Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.