i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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