If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
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There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
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It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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