I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
