i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Randomize
