Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
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We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
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I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."