So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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