the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.