Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?