Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
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Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
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I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods