hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
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she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
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Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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