i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
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