Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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