Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
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I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
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I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
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