it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize