Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
