New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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