idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Randomize
