In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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