Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Randomize
