Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
God gave him joint rollers for hands
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I deserve this hangover.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize