I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize