carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
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