i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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