According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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