i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
