i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms