this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
The 21 Worst Ways People Have Been Dumped
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
19 People Confess The Worst Things They Have Been Accused Of
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom