Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
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Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
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He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.