...so i touched it.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I love you. Go after that dick
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower