I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.