is wine microwaveable?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
These 27 C*ck Blocks Are Savage AF
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"