rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
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she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
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Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world