tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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