Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Randomize
