You drinking a lot?
Define a lot
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.