I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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