alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
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How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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