He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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