Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
you didnt know i had herpes?
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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