I wanna passion pit in your ass
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
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