At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
im having a threesome with these popsicles
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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