what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
