woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
