So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
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