You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
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