And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
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