I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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