wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
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He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
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After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
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