Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
