I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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