Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Ketchup is God's man juice
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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