You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
