there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
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I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
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I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
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