So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
