I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
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