i jhust puked up my retainher.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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